


Before the Fall

by windbloom



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Dubious Consent, F/F, Sexual Tension, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-07 18:38:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1909503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windbloom/pseuds/windbloom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikasa Ackerman, the champion alone at the top of her tower. Annie Leonhardt, the loner with a secret. More alike than either of them care to admit, this story explores the relationship the two of them could have had during the time before Annie's capture. Their relationship is a wild ride of indifference, mild dislike, sexual tension, curiosity, understanding, love, and betrayal. Heavy, dark, and full of downright smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Once More, That's It

**Author's Note:**

> Tagged to be safe, as I'm not exactly sure yet where this story is going to go, but I certainly have some ideas. This generally follows canon, but will veer into uncharted waters. Chapters may be out of chronological order. Krista/Ymir is (so far) just a minor part of the story.

Mikasa knew it was wrong. It was too cold and dark to be out of bed so early. She hadn’t slept well. It was that dream where it was all just screaming. She wondered if it had been the same for Annie. Annie, the only other person awake so long before dawn, sharing this cold empty field in silence.

She listened to Annie’s fists and legs as they sliced through nothing, beating the shit out of air. She could hear her short panting breaths and something in Mikasa’s stomach took flight. Her own muscles were like a collared dog’s, and it felt good to use them. For a second she was honestly enjoying the training, until she remembered it was all just an act.

When they’d finished their “training”, Mikasa turned towards her. She could just make out Annie’s dead set expression and the sweat on her brow. Sometimes just looking at her was like trying to breathe underwater. Her chest was heaving, and sweat rolled down the small of her back. They both knew what was next, without even having to speak a single word to one another.

Annie turned away from her and stalked across the field towards the storeroom. Mikasa followed. The way Annie pushed the door open was so desperate that Mikasa felt it in her gut. It was dark inside, and smelled like sweat and leather. Annie had walked to the opposite wall and stood with her back to Mikasa, her head tilted slightly down. Mikasa approached her, and pressed her chest against Annie’s back. She placed a heavy hand on Annie’s shoulder and leaned forward to whisper into her ear.

“Don’t turn around.”

With all the efficiency of a trained fighter, Mikasa pulled Annie’s arm up behind her and twisted it. Annie bit her bottom lip to keep the moan from escaping, hard enough to almost break the skin. It wasn’t the pain in her arm, or the harsh fingers wrapped around her throbbing wrist. It wasn’t pain that welled up from the depths of her and soared to her throat to try to rip itself from her lips.

It was need.

Annie kept it in. She, more than anyone, knew how to keep a thing inside. Her composure was second to none. Mikasa used her powerful body to pin Annie up against the storeroom wall. The cold stone made her nipples harden and ache. She pinned her, like she thought Annie might try to run. They both knew otherwise. This was the reason they had woken up. This would be what they had to look forward to. Thinking about the next time would get them through the days. How long had it been, since they started playing this dangerous game?

Annie coveted Mikasa’s slow, rasping gasps, hot and breathy at the exposed skin at the nape of her neck. Of course she’d go for that, Annie realized. Mikasa Ackerman. Always so diligent. Such a quick learner. The teeth against Annie’s skin broke down her defenses while breaking the skin, and there was nothing left to stop her needy sounds. She could feel her face get hot and red when she felt Mikasa’s lips curve up to form a smile.

Mikasa’s own calm was threatening to fade. She could feel Annie’s moans at the very core of her. She shoved her free hand down Annie’s pants with an urgency that surprised herself. She could feel it. The sting of guilt; the wounded pride. Her own strong heart sickened by such a base need. She, who was the very best of them, reduced to such desperation.

It was _her_ fault, of course. Her quiet strength, the golden glinting blonde of her hair in the light, the crook of her nose. All of it. Her fault. The reason for this downfall. Falling, yes, but Mikasa told herself it would not be her knees that would buckle. It would not be her thighs that shook and strained. She would walk away easily, afterwards. She was doing this; it was not being done to her.

Annie bucked her hips and slammed a fist into the wall in front of her. She was warm against Mikasa’s body, warmer still against her hand. A warmth more potent than even the warmth of the scarf. A stranger heat that Mikasa felt the absence of, in the night, alone, in her bunk, while Krista’s muffled sighs came forth through silent darkness like a curse.

Ymir and Krista. Damn those two. It was so easy for them to be themselves. But who was she, Mikasa wondered. This warrior, in the dark before the sunrise, with her hand between Annie’s legs, stroking her into sweet oblivion. The top of her class. An orphan. A champion. Or was she anything? Anything at all?

"Come for me," she whispered into Annie’s ear.

Annie’s eyes widened, and the sound of Mikasa’s voice poured over and through her like liquid heat. She let go. Her body jerked, and her stomach tensed against Mikasa’s forearm. She cried out as she came, grasping at the wall as her legs lost their strength. Mikasa held her up, and continued to hold her even after she had finished. She let her hand rest on Annie’s own throbbing heat. Annie was gasping and sweating, like Sasha after laps.

“It’s almost dawn.” Mikasa’s voice was quiet and smooth, distant; retreating. She kept her hand still. Annie tried inching her hips forward to rub against her fingers, but Mikasa pressed her own hips forward and held her still.

“We can’t do this forever," Mikasa whispered. The words carved a deep hollow that both of them felt. The silence crept into the absence like an animal waiting to die.

Annie felt sharpened; honed like the blade of a knife. “Can’t we?” She asked as she pushed her hips back against Mikasa’s own, pressing her ass up against her until she heard Mikasa’s defeated sigh. “Once more, that’s it,” Annie begged, and when she heard her own voice she felt like it belonged to someone else.

Mikasa paused, but after a moment she pressed a finger inside.


	2. The Lay of the Land

Reiner threw his weight onto the bench beside Annie with a thundering slam. The sound of it snapped Annie back into reality with a jolting mix of panic and desire. She had been lost somewhere between the heat of Mikasa’s breath and the smell of her sweat. It was a dangerous place to be. She refused to turn her head, but she could still feel his overbearing grin creeping along his chiseled face. Bertolt slid onto the bench beside him in silence.

Annie bit into a biscuit, tearing at it with her teeth, working her jaw so she could put her mind on hold. She kept her eyes straight ahead, but that turned out to be a mistake. There was Ackerman, sitting on the bench at a table across the dining hall. Mikasa’s eyes met hers, and Annie tore her gaze away so fiercely that she almost felt whiplashed.

“Someone had a rough night. Or was it an early morning?” Reiner’s voice was thick with taunt. Annie thought he might as well be wiggling his eyebrows and elbowing her in the ribs. They both knew that if he did either she’d break his nose. She swallowed her biscuit and washed it down with some tea.

Reiner whistled. “You’re on a mission today, huh? What’s the plan, Annie?”

“Reiner…” Bertolt sounded unsure. Annie thought he was smart. They shouldn’t have been messing with her. Not after she’d gone and lost her mind in front of Ackerman, all but begging her to stay in the storeroom when they both knew it was time to leave. _Once more?_ What had she been thinking? It was the first time she had made it sound like she needed it that badly. She didn’t need anything that badly, and she didn’t need Ackerman at all.

_We can’t do this forever._

Annie narrowed her eyes. _Ackerman had that right._ Why then, did it cut her so deeply to hear her say the words? She watched her from across the hall, and in the deepest, darkest depths of her, she felt for the first time a small winged creature trying to break free.

Reiner had been so close to the truth, but he didn’t have any of the facts. Just like that other time.

* * *

 

She could remember the sound of the stream by the path up the mountain. Standing at the summit, overlooking the forest and the lake beyond. The sound of the wings of hawks in the distance, hunting by night. Hunting beneath the cover of darkness.

Reiner stood at the edge of the cliff. The moon slipped out from behind the clouds and lit them up in a glowing light. Annie stood behind him and glanced up at the stars.

“You know why we brought you up here?” Reiner turned towards her. He looked changed, in the moonlight.

“To see the lay of the land.” Her voice was hard and controlled despite their tranquil surroundings. Reiner smiled a more genuine smile than Annie thought him capable of. She tilted her head to one side and looked off into the distance, past him, towards where the land and the sky met.

“So, what do you see?” Reiner’s words were thick with meaning. Bertolt looked vaguely uncomfortable.

“I see what I look for.” She would play his game. Reiner glanced at Bertolt, who stood off to one side with his long hands shoved into his pockets.

“And what are you looking for now, Annie?” Bertolt asked, with a soft sincerity that played perfectly with Reiner’s rough bravado.

“That depends. What do you have to show me?” She looked at him with a pointed stare.

Bertolt closed his eyes and smiled to himself. “Nothing you haven’t already seen.”

Annie said nothing.

They stood there, in silence. A hawk swooped into the trees in the valley below and came out empty-beaked. Annie turned her head, and her eyes narrowed. Perhaps this had been a waste, after all.

“Are you a soldier, Annie?” Reiner made no effort to hide his appraising stare.

“What makes one a soldier?” Annie chose to look back towards the vast expanse of land before her that seemed to open up like a promise.

“A soldier is someone who gives orders.”

“Or follows them,” Bertolt added.

“Someone who’s on a mission, and will do anything to accomplish it,” Reiner finished, as he crossed his thick arms over his even thicker chest.

“I suppose I’m my own soldier.”

“The army of Annie, huh? Has a nice ring to it.” Reiner grinned, but his eyes betrayed his disappointment.

Annie went cold, no longer wanting to play along. She made to turn back towards the path, but Reiner took a step forward, and the sound of his boot scuffing the dirt ripped the silence in half.

“Eren Jaeger.”

One of the survivors from Shinganshina. Annie had been watching him and his companions from afar. They were a tight-knit group; almost like a family. A tendon in Annie’s neck jumped as she turned her head.

“What about him?”

“He’s different. Might be worth your time.”

So Reiner and Bertolt had seen it too. She wondered if they would.

“We’re starting hand-to-hand training next week. You’d have plenty of reasons to strike up a conversation.” Reiner’s voice was slow and cautious, like he was trying to coax a bull back into its cage.

Annie narrowed her eyes. _Strike up a conversation._ Like the words were flames. Like talking could provide any warmth or light. Annie shivered and bit at the inside of her lip.

“How persuasive you are.” She dropped her shoulders slightly as she shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket and looked back up to the purple, star-swelling sky. “Are we done here?”

“Hey, come on. We’re still friends, aren’t we?”

Friends. Annie didn’t have friends. She told herself that didn’t care to make them, and had no idea how to keep them. There was no one, inside the walls or out, who she could call her friend. That’s how she liked it. That’s how she needed it.

As she followed them back down the path, she watched them walk alongside one another. There was no doubt in her mind. They were strong. They were the future. Still, she had to keep her distance. If she opened up, even just a fraction, she risked a crack in her carefully crafted armor. It was a risk that she, as a soldier, wasn’t willing to take.


	3. Shut Up and Kiss Me

The black and white birds were cawing high up in the faraway trees. The sound broke the silence every few seconds, counting down to the dawn. It was not an unfamiliar sound to the black-haired prodigy. She had always known that the bi-colored birds were the harbingers of war and death. Armin had said they were intelligent because they could recognize themselves in a mirror, a rare thing in the animal world. Mikasa closed her eyes to listen. One caw become ten. Ten became fifty. Fifty became two hundred. After that, she lost count. The sun slid up from the beneath the horizon.

Annie hadn’t come.

It wasn’t that she had missed the signal. Mikasa had set her cup upside-down beside her tray in the dining hall the night before, and she had looked into Annie’s eyes as the blonde had passed Mikasa’s table to leave. Annie hadn’t missed the signal, she had ignored it.

Mikasa glanced at the storeroom and her stomach took a turn. She turned around quickly and strode back across the field towards the main buildings. She didn’t even feel like training. She met Eren and Armin on her way to the dining hall. They looked surprised to see her. She waved and approached them.

“Eren.” It was strange how just saying his name put her somewhat at ease.

“Decided not to train today?” Eren wasn’t looking at her, and his voice was nonchalant.

The question still startled her. “What makes you say that?”

Eren shrugged. “Well, it’s early. You’re usually still out there.”

“Had to end it early.” She forced the words out quickly, bitterly, and with a finality that ended the conversation before it could go any further.

Annie didn’t show up for breakfast, combat training, or for anything else. It seemed that hardly anyone even seemed to notice Annie’s absence. Even Reiner and Bertolt were acting like nothing was amiss; like she had never existed at all. Mikasa could feel herself growing more frustrated and desperate as the day dragged on towards night.

She got through it without letting anyone in on her own inner turmoil. She had been going through the motions of fighting and listening and eating, lost in her own thoughts. She had turned it over and over in her mind, but she still couldn’t understand what was going on. It was only at dinner that she finally allowed herself a brief respite from her own thoughts. She tuned back in. Eren and Armin were talking.

“Are you worried?” Eren asked. Mikasa looked up, but he wasn’t talking to her.

Armin looked up thoughtfully, pondering the question. “About the bungee test? It’ll be fine, won’t it? They’re going to have safety ropes.”

“Yeah, but I don’t get that. We won’t have ropes for the real thing; why use them now? I don’t need ‘em anyway.”

“Don’t do anything stupid,” she interjected quietly. Her words sounded so ironic and hollow to her that she wanted to laugh. Eren frowned and looked over at her.

“You’ve been out of it today. What’s up?”

“Maybe I’m worried about the bungee test.”

It was one of the few times Mikasa had ever danced around the truth with her friends. Doing it made her sick to her stomach. She stood up with a sudden swiftness that surprised even her. Eren and Armin were staring up at her. Her face began to flush. What the hell was she doing?

“Bathroom.”

* * *

 

The corridors back to the bunk were mostly empty. Everyone was either at dinner or in the showers. They slept twelve to a room. Sturdy oaken bunk beds lined the stone walls, and there was a small table with some chairs around it at the center of the room.

The curtains at the far end of the room were open, but as Mikasa entered she saw that Annie was in the process of closing them, preventing the copper sunset light from pouring in. When Annie turned towards her, her face was in shadow. Mikasa thought she could see bags beneath Annie’s eyes. Her expression, as always, was nearly unreadable. Mikasa crossed the room swiftly. Annie stayed unmoving by the window at the opposite wall.

“Where were you this morning?” Mikasa tried to keep her voice as controlled as possible.

“Did I have to be somewhere?” Annie’s reply was a quiet musing that set Mikasa’s anger on edge.

“I turned my cup over last night. I saw you looking at it.” Mikasa felt stupid even as she said it. She looked away. A muscle in her neck jumped as her jaw tensed and her expression hardened.

Annie’s lip curved upwards, and her eyes narrowed with a cruel delight. “We can’t do this forever. Your words, not mine.”

“I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.” Mikasa was short, but the words cut deep. They _were_ her own words, but she hadn’t meant it like that, had she?

Annie said nothing.

“So, what? We’re done? Just like that?” Mikasa turned back towards her and stepped forward. The blood in her veins was like liquid fire.

“Were you expecting something else?”

Mikasa could taste the raw, rusty rejection like blood in her mouth. She took another step forward. The space between them, closing quickly, was a crackling electric heat.

Mikasa lunged with an expert combination of speed and power, pressing her strong hands against Annie’s shoulders and slamming the blonde back against the window. Annie’s head knocked against the glass and she hissed. Annie opened her mouth to speak, but Mikasa silenced her with her lips. She kissed her, hard, and Annie kissed back. Mikasa deftly slid her tongue inside Annie’s mouth, and Annie moaned around it, welcoming it in and pressing against it with her own.

Annie grabbed Mikasa’s jacket by the collar and held her close. Their violent embrace was the only thing that felt real. The beds, the windows, and the walls washed away. There was only the two of them; only this moment.

Mikasa pressed her muscled thigh between Annie’s legs, grinding upwards until she could feel the warmth from beneath the stretched fabric. A shuddering sigh spilled from Annie’s lips as she slammed her eyes shut and rolled her hips. Mikasa pulled back from the kiss and put a hand to Annie’s neck, clutching there with a hungry desperation that she could feel in the pit of her stomach.

Annie swallowed hard, and her throat worked painfully beneath Mikasa’s grasp. Mikasa let a shaking breath escape her lips and pressed her palm against Annie’s throat. Annie opened her eyes slowly, looking up at the black-haired girl from beneath her long, sullen lashes. Mikasa saw something in her expression that sent an electric jolt to the very core of her. It was a knowing look. There was understanding in Annie’s sharp, pale blue eyes. Mikasa could feel the blood pounding at her temples; her breathing quickened.

“Were you expecting this?” Annie’s voice was a harsh rasp that touched Mikasa in all the right ways.

Annie slipped her hand inside Mikasa’s jacket and groped at her chest hungrily. A gasp got caught in Mikasa’s throat as Annie found a hardened nipple between thumb and forefinger. The hand at Annie’s neck loosened its grip. Annie seemed to sense Mikasa’s hesitation and took her chance. She brought Mikasa down to the ground with a masterful leg trip that completely caught Mikasa off her guard. The taller girl fell backwards and landed hard on the wooden floorboards with a gasp. Annie was already straddling her, rubbing herself against Mikasa’s stomach.

“What are you…?” Mikasa stared up at Annie with dark, wide eyes.

Annie leaned forward. Her blonde bangs falling across Mikasa’s cheeks.

“Shut up and kiss me."


	4. You Could What?

Annie could still remember that fateful day. It was a few weeks in to combat training; not even a year had gone by since they'd all joined up. The sun was high in a cloudless sky, and the buzz of the cicadas in the surrounding field grew louder and faded in turns. There was only one instructor for the lot of them. The lack of supervision made Annie’s life easier. She ducked out of training regularly, and for a variety of reasons. Lately, she had simply left to lean in the shade of the oak across the field. Watching.

Ever since her friendly chat with Reiner and Bertolt on the mountain, Annie had been a vigilant watcher. She couldn’t afford to be even one step behind. Not now, after so many years of planning. Watching Eren Jaegar meant seeing Mikasa Ackerman. There was no way around it. The black-haired girl with the red scarf followed Jaegar everywhere. Annie found it distasteful. It seemed to her that Ackerman’s entire reason for being was to watch over that boy, and then she realized that she was guilty of it too. But, she thought with a bitter sting, unlike Ackerman, she had no other choice.

Annie thought that Ackerman was a girl who had an overwhelming amount of choices. Being so capable meant she had to decide where to focus herself. She could have done anything, but she chose Jaegar over everything else. She chose to follow in his shadow. Annie didn’t like thinking about it, and she looked hard upon Jaegar, trying to understand what he might have that could cause such blind devotion.

Within the first week of their training, Annie had realized that Ackerman was a force to be reckoned with. She kept her distance. Everyone did. The only people who felt comfortable around her were her friends or the fools who didn’t know any better. Annie knew better. She could see it, clear as day. There was a shadow lurking inside the black-haired champion. A monster, deep within.

Annie knew the feeling.

“Today, you’re going to learn how to disarm the enemy’s weapon.”

Annie rolled her eyes. What a waste. She started towards the forest, but Reiner stepped into her field of vision with his shoulders squared. He was trying to get her attention. She glanced over at him. He held his hand close to his body and made a signal. He was subtly pointing at Jaegar.

Annie sighed and shook her head. The timing wasn’t right. Damn Reiner, trying to force her into his own plans. The instructor was shouting something. She mouthed the word ‘No’ and tilted her head menacingly, but Reiner just grinned and turned. He was already waving Jaegar over.

“Leaving again?” Ymir’s voice sounded hopeful beside her. She wasn’t looking at Annie. Her gaze was focused on the wooden knife as she twirled it in her hand. Annie turned towards her and frowned slightly. Her day was not turning out very well. She could hear Reiner’s heavy charging footsteps in the distance.

“Oh, You can go. I just want to make sure you don’t rat me out, either.” Ymir’s voice was rough like sandpaper. It lacked the refined smoothness of the blonde girl who was always trailing behind her. Annie recalled seeing the two of them acting rather close as of late. Ymir’s small smirk was enough for Annie to put it together.

“I won’t.”

Annie turned around just in time to see Jaegar take Reiner to the ground. She knew the boy could fight, but she’d never seen him fight anyone of note before. She wondered, deep down in a part of her she kept under strict control, what fighting him might be like.

She started to move towards the forest, walking in the opposite direction of Ymir and the instructor. She thought she was far away enough from Reiner to get by, but he noticed her and took a few steps towards her.

“Ah, it’s Annie. Playing hooky again?” Reiner yelled, just loud enough for her to hear.

Annie stopped and looked over at them. Reiner waved, and her shoulders slumped. She could feel the heat in her face.

“If you don’t want punishment you’d better get serious. This isn’t a game.” Reiner’s taunting words were tinged with a deeper meaning. It was a warning. A threat.

Jaegar looked between the two of them. He was confused.

Annie narrowed her eyes and turned to face Eren. She couldn't back down now.

“Ah, that’s it! C’mon Eren, go for it.” Reiner took a few steps back to give them some space.

It didn't take Eren long to go from surprised to serious. His eyes tracked her fists as she slowly lifted them up to her head. She could see the determination settling into his face. He wasn’t nervous or afraid. He knew how to defend himself, but not necessarily how to fight. She took a few steps forward to see if she could bait an attack and was relieved to find out that he didn’t fall for something so obvious.

They circled each other. Reiner rested his hands on his hips and stood in silence, watching. Annie knew that Reiner was using her and it made her insides burn with disgust. She wouldn’t give him the pleasure; she’d finish it quick. She sprang into action and rushed forward, but something was wrong. Her mind had been elsewhere. She was rushing into an attack that Eren anticipated. She wondered, in the split-second she had before impact, how he would respond.

He didn’t hesitate. Eren was taking this seriously. His earnestness surprised Annie, but she wasn’t playing around either. He blocked her punch easily and stepped forward, twisting his body while sliding an arm behind her back to grab her jacket. He turned his hip towards her, lowering his body. He was going to throw her, just like he’d done to Reiner. Annie’s heart pounded in her throat.

They were so close to each other. Closer than she had let anyone else ever get. She could smell the sweat in his hair. She could feel the heat vibrating off of him like a terrible sonar. He twisted his body smoothly, and there was a darkness in his eyes she had never seen before. If she were anyone else she would have lost, but she was no one other than herself. She exhaled and her eyes flashed. Eren tensed in realization, but it was too late. She surprised him with her strength, and she heard him yell out in surprise as his feet left the ground and she sent him tumbling backwards behind her. He hit the ground with a satisfying slam.

She stood up and straightened out her jacket, looking at neither of them. Reiner whistled lowly. She could hear Eren breathing the fast, uncontrolled breaths. He groaned when he pushed himself to his feet.

“Nice. I didn’t know you could fight.”

Annie heard the words like an echo, distant and strange. “I don’t enjoy it.”

“You say that, but you’re good at it.” Eren said offhandedly as he brushed some dirt from his sleeves.

“If you’re interested, I could—“ Annie turned, and there was Ackerman. The black-haired girl was standing beside Eren with her hands at her sides. Her gaze was a piercing shot of light and dark, pride and distaste. She looked at Annie like someone might look at a pothole in the street.

“You could what?”


	5. No You Don't

The first time they ever fought, it wasn't spectacular. It was dirty, harsh, and hard to follow. They weren’t showing off; they were being efficient.

Mikasa knew that she had the advantage. She was taller, heavier, and stronger. Seeing Eren get beat by a short, blonde nobody had been more than she could bear. Seeing him falter was personal; he had learned so much of his technique from fighting side by side with her. Eren going down was an attack on her own pride; and she would make damn sure it didn’t happen again.

Still, the blonde knew what she was doing. Mikasa couldn’t deny it. She had been watching from a distance, but even in the distance she could see the tensing muscles in Leonhardt’s calves, and the composure in her delicate features. She saw the way her hair fell over one of her eyes, casting it in shadow. She wasn’t a powerhouse, but there was a certain clever dexterity to her movements. Her body moved in a fight like it was natural; like she had been born for it.

Watching her gave Mikasa the briefest of chills, but she pushed it deep down as she walked towards her. She would not let Eren have another bout. Annie had been speaking, but as she turned and saw Mikasa she stopped.

Mikasa wanted to smile when she realized her presence had halted Annie mid-sentence. Annie was watching her now, a cautious quiet burning like a small hot ember in the middle of a fire, ready to blaze or go cold in an instant. Mikasa raised a hand to rest on one wide, powerful hip and stood there like the statue of a stone God, ready to burst into life.

“What were you about to say? I’m curious.” It was the honest truth. What had the blonde been about to offer Eren?

“I’m done here.” Annie said in an exhale as she straightened her back. Mikasa could see her opponent giving up, withdrawing. _No you don’t,_ Mikasa thought harshly as she stepped forward.

“Were you going to teach Eren how to fight?”

Their eyes met and locked on. Annie’s eye were cold and desolate, a faded blue-grey sky reflected in hard snow. Mikasa’s own eyes were black coals in deep water.

“Teach me instead.” Mikasa’s voice was a guillotine drop that cut the silence.

Annie took it as nothing more than a taunt. She stabilized, took an inner step back; controlled her breathing, steadied her stance, relaxed her fists. An internal checklist, preparing for ignition. Staying cool and collected while pushing down the voice deep in the pit of stomach that screamed _destroy, destroy, destroy._

Annie knew that she shouldn’t have expected anything. It wasn’t even her plan. She didn’t deserve Eren’s friendship, or the chance of friendship. She didn’t have time for it. What the hell had she been thinking? _If you’re interested, I could show you a few things._ How wildly she had slipped on the ice of her own heart. And now she was going to pay for it.

Eren and Reiner were protesting behind them, miles away from the electric sparks that shot between them. Their requests went unregistered, unheeded. They were outside looking in. The loner and the champion were alone on a rumbling volcanic island, rising into the sky to fight amongst the stars and make the planets shake in the sky.

But their fight was not as glorious as all that. It was a simple case of cause and effect. Annie rushed forward with a renewed purpose. She would not be taken advantage of, this time. Mikasa defended her combination skillfully. Annie could feel her fists hitting the other girl’s muscular forearms, and a hunger burst forth. She landed a well-placed kick and a shock of electricity ran through her, from the shin bone that crushed the taut muscle in Mikasa’s thigh and up her own leg, torso, and straight to her head. She felt drunk on her own power. She could win this.

Mikasa’s fist shot out at her head and she dodged, it was slow enough for a counter-attack, and she cashed in on it with a vengeance. Punishing Mikasa for her own mistake was a sweet release as Annie grabbed hold of the black-haired girl’s thick upper arm and pulled Mikasa stomach-first down into her raising knee. It would be enough, Annie thought. This would bring her to her knees. She loosened her grip, ready to let her drop.

Mikasa didn’t drop.

It was then that Annie noticed Mikasa’s even breathing, so close, pulled down, her lips brushed against Annie’s ear.

“So this is your style...” Mikasa whispered, and before she truly finished speaking she was already pulling Annie’s knee up high and using her weight to send Annie’s balance off course. Annie tripped backwards and Mikasa was already on top of her, pinning her to the ground with her hips.

Annie struggled and bucked, but there was nothing she could do. She wondered if Mikasa would break her nose. If her nose broke twice, would it heal right the second time? Would the dry grass beneath her head soak up the blood and grow giant-sized? The thoughts rushed past her and ripped themselves apart as her narrowed eyes tracked Mikasa’s slowly raising fist.

“Hey, you two! Ackerman! Leonhardt!”

The instructor’s voice rang out, breaking through the invisible wall and snapping them both back to the reality they had escaped. Mikasa’s fist dropped to her side, she made to stand. Annie lifted herself onto her forearms and turned her head. Eren was staring at Mikasa. Reiner was looking away.

She didn’t hear what the instructor said as he screamed at the two of them. She couldn’t hear anything except the shrilling scream of the cicadas, getting louder and louder as the sun burned in the sky.

What he had said, she found out later, was that they were in trouble. Annie thought of the way Mikasa’s weight had felt atop her, the unrelenting power of her. The surety. The unfailing determination. It crushed her with an invisible weight. She had felt it. She wanted to feel more. She couldn’t think straight. _Like hell I’m in trouble,_ Annie thought as she walked back to the dining hall, her heart pounding in her chest like a bird in a cage, desperate to break free.


	6. Get Up

All Annie heard were the blades slicing through air and tall grass in a rhythmic double swing. Ackerman’s came first, just faster than her own. If Annie sped up, the other swings would speed up to just a second faster than her own. Sweat dripped down her nose and fell onto her exposed forearm. She thought she heard it sizzle.

The instructors had waited until mid-day to send them out to the field. They followed the supply road. They were clearing a path. It was work long overdue, but saved for only those who deserved the punishment.

The sun was directly overhead in the cloudless sky. Annie cut at the thick grass with a horrible urgency. The sooner she finished, the sooner she could leave. The dark green blades exploded into the air around her, stuck to her skin and tangled into her hair. Sweat ran into her eyes, but she refused to stop her pace. Stopping meant having the time to think.

She refused to look up. She didn’t want to see Ackerman’s self-assured motions, or the way the muscles in her back flexed against the damp sleeveless tank top she wore with every world-destroying swing. She couldn’t bear to watch the sweat, glistening in the harsh sunlight as it rolled down the back of her neck, visible only because the monster had decided to tie her hair up. And oh, she had tied it up so perfectly. Even that had pissed Annie off.

By the time they had made it to the edge of the forest the sun was beginning its slow descent. The sky was a deep orange-red going desperately purple. The light was otherworldly; an apocalyptic warmth that made everything around her seem saturated with heat. The cicada white-noise was slowly dying down. Annie could feel night coming up behind them like a stalking beast.

Mikasa was ahead of her, so it was only natural that she be finished first. There was gravel at the entrance to the forest, and the tall grass did not grow there. Annie heard her as she finished her final swing. She could feel the black, soulless eyes fall upon her; harder and colder than the approaching darkness. She kept her eyes on her work. The blades of grass flew behind her like forlorn whispers. When she finished she dropped her arms and let the tips of her blades hit the gravel.

Her pride was a cornered animal, and it lashed out at her when she got too close. She could feel the sting of humiliation like a curved blade sent deep and then twisted. She had lost. Her face was already going hot. Ackerman had toyed with her. Beaten at her own game; in front of everyone.

Mikasa seemed pleased with herself. She sheathed her blades and put her hands on her hips in one fluid motion. Annie caught herself watching the surprisingly slow rise and fall of Ackerman’s chest and looked away just in time. She turned back towards where they had come. The buildings were small and dark in the distance. Reiner and Bertolt would be in the dining hall. Annie suddenly felt very, very tired.

“We can finish it up tonight.” Mikasa’s voice was low and it rushed past and through Annie like a cold wind.

“I’m heading back. The weeds will be here tomorrow.” She replied evenly, without turning her head. She could hear Ackerman shift her weight from one foot to the other.

“I’m not talking about the grass,“ Mikasa said quietly as she undid her belt and let her blades drop to the ground behind her.

Annie turned. Her insides felt light. She couldn’t deny that she had been fantasizing about a rematch, but having it play out like this was not a part of it. The sun had almost completely dipped beneath the horizon. The eerie purple dusk made the forest behind Mikasa look luminous and forbidden. Annie cursed under her breath.

“Don’t be an idiot. I have better things to do than spar with someone like you.” Annie spat out bitterly.

“You seemed just fine fighting Eren.”

Annie said nothing.

Mikasa frowned slightly and turned to pick up her belt. “Fine. Go back then, I’ll finish up here.” She turned on a dime to head deeper into the forest. Annie stood there, watching her.

When Mikasa heard Annie’s belt and blades hit the gravel behind her, she stopped. Then she smiled.

What had happened, after that? What expressions crossed their faces, and what words were exchanged between the two of them? What came before the battle? Battle is the only word to describe it. Annie, again the aggressor, and ironically so, rushing forward, bending her body low, low enough to dodge the straight punch Mikasa threw, and lower, to grab at the black-haired girl’s thighs and pull upwards, using all her weight and strength to bring the champion down. Mikasa made no sound as her back slammed into the ground, but her arms shot out, upwards, latched on to Annie’s forearms to prevent her from progressing further. Mikasa’s legs wrapped around Annie’s torso and squeezed, but Annie didn’t flinch. Pain was not a thing to halt her. She would pursue this until the bitter end.

“You underestimated me,” Annie muttered breathlessly as she set a deep, unrelenting fire beneath herself and pushed Mikasa’s thighs out of their locking grasp. She scrambled up and straddled the other girl’s stomach with her legs. She could feel Ackerman’s tight abs shudder beneath her. The vibrating strength sent a thundering shock of pleasure to her brain. She slammed her knee down into Mikasa’s stomach, controlling her, holding her, and then she held her hands down so she could send a fist pounding down into her face _. I want to see you bleed. I want to see you beg for mercy._ Annie’s thoughts flew through her mind in bursts of color, and she heeded them. There was no reason to keep herself under control.

Mikasa grinned and the blood that ran down her nose seeped into her parted lips. She licked them with her tongue and looked up at Annie with a horrible, wide-eyed smile.

“Finally.”

“The fuck…”

Mikasa turned her body to the side. The force of it, and the power of her hips, sent Annie sideways, and she lost her positioning. She moved quickly to regain it, but Ackerman was faster, and she was already on Annie’s back, her strong, muscle-bound legs crossing Annie’s abdomen and locking at the heel like a curse. Mikasa’s arms snaked their way between Annie’s guard and she hooked her massive forearm round Annie’s neck from behind. _Shit, she’s trying to choke me out._ Annie shoved her hand between Mikasa’s arm and her own neck, and it was just enough to let her breathe.

“You should have ran. I’m too much for you,” Mikasa whispered. Her lips were very close to Annie’s ear, and as they brushed against her neck Annie couldn’t help but feel a knot in her stomach.

“Like hell you are. You… have no idea,” Annie forced the words out between sucking in air and steadying her resolve. She could get out of this. It wasn’t impossible. Yet.

“About what? I’ve been watching you.”

“Not well enough…!” Annie gasped, and she twisted her body, just fast and hard enough to slither out of Ackerman’s iron grasp. She held the taller girl down with both hands and stood. It would be better for her, standing up. Mikasa’s power was too much for her on the ground, but she could try to read her strikes and counter if she could prevent the takedown. That was a big if, but what other choice did she have?

Mikasa stood up slowly and turned, pivoting as Annie circled her.

“Your stance is unique. Specialized for striking. It’s not practical, in the field.” Mikasa said slowly. Her dark eyes were in the shadow of the strands of her hair; Annie was almost taken away by the lonely, dark mystery of it.

“When would you be striking, against titans?” And Annie froze. She could hear it in Mikasa’s voice. There was something about it that sounded threatening. Mikasa could sense something. What did she think she knew? And how?

“Why would you need---“Mikasa started, but it was Annie’s leg rushing through the air that stopped her, and she wasn’t fast enough to block. Annie’s foot slammed into her jaw and Ackerman lost her balance, falling backward and staying upright only from sheer brutish strength. Annie could hardly believe the black-haired girl could still stand after that. Mikasa looked up, and her eyes narrowed. It was a knowing look.

“You’re a warrior…” Mikasa said, as if she’d only just realized it, and in her hesitation Annie saw an opportunity. She came in close and threw a lighting fast combination. Mikasa blocked the best she could, but she couldn’t completely stop the hits. Blood seeped at her lip and down to her chin. It dripped onto her sweat-stained tank top and turned rust-colored. Annie exhaled shakily and darted back out. Was she winning for real this time, or was she being toyed with again?

“You should be worrying about yourself.” Annie’s voice was sharp and biting. She could feel the cool air as it hit the blood on her knuckles. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she should call it off. She had drawn blood; gotten her revenge. Proven to herself that all those years hadn’t been for nothing. But that voice was a long way off, and in the distance and beneath the deafening roar of her empty, hungry soul, she could barely hear it.

“Oh, but I want to see what you’ve got.” Mikasa remarked, expertly guarding a high kick and then countering with a low kick of her own. Annie knew she’d been hit, but she could barely feel the pain as Mikasa’s boot hit the inside of her leg. Still, Annie could feel her momentum losing focus; Mikasa was getting back into her rhythm. A part of her was amazed at how long the fight had continued. When was the last time she’d taken this long to beat someone down?

Annie switched tactics. She’d been the aggressor, now she’d wait for Mikasa to take the lead. She stepped just within range of Mikasa’s swings and then danced back out. It didn’t frustrate Mikasa like it had with Annie’s other opponents. In fact, it looked like Ackerman was enjoying herself. She was grinning, and there was blood on her teeth and sweat at her temples.

“It won’t take me long to figure you out, you know.” Mikasa boldly remarked between swings. She stepped in, Annie stepped back. She was starting to lose her nerve. This had been a horrible idea from the start. What would she tell Bertolt and Reiner? Shit. Annie had miscalculated Mikasa’s movements. She wasn’t far away enough. Mikasa stepped in close and her fist ripped through the air to connect with Annie’s stomach.

Before she fell, Annie could smell Mikasa’s hair, and feel the heat coming off her body. A body shot was clever. No one would ever see the bruise. Annie hit the ground hard. Her eyes slammed shut. She could feel the blood in her veins rushing to her head. Mikasa would be on top of her any minute, to finish what she’d started. She had started it. Why had she started it?

“Get up.”

Annie opened her eyes.


	7. Show Me a Real Monster

There were just enough gaps in the leaves of the forest around them to let the moonlight shine through. It made Mikasa’s outstretched arm look pale and translucent. Annie realized that the black-haired girl was holding out her hand… for her. She stared searchingly up into the darkness, but Mikasa’s expression was hidden beneath the shadows of the strands of her hair. Annie pushed herself up to stand on her own. The knot in her stomach was agony, but she set her jaw and forced the oncoming cringe back down.

Mikasa smirked and lowered her hand to her side. Of the two of them, she looked like she’d been the loser. There was dried blood on her lips and chin, and it had stained her tank-top a deep brick red. Her jaw, where Annie’s kick had connected, was starting to bruise a sickening yellow. And there she was, smirking like a psychopath.

“Come on. We need to get back before they lock the gates.”

“You could have just left me here.”

“I’m not that stupid.”

They picked up their gear and walked back in silence. Annie follow behind Mikasa. After a while, Mikasa spoke again.

“I’ve never felt a kick with more power. Where’d you learn to do that?”

“I didn’t expect it to work on a monster.” Annie was used to this. A conversation full of missing replies. She could brush them off so easily now.

Mikasa didn’t falter, but she didn’t respond either. For a long time, they walked in silence. Annie could hear thunder, far away in the distance.

“I think we should train together more,” Mikasa remarked idly a few moments later, but her voice was darker than before. She wasn’t joking around, but Annie couldn’t gather her thoughts quickly enough to understand the black-haired girl’s aim.

“We weren’t paired together.”

As they stepped across the threshold of the gates, Mikasa lowered her voice to a harsh whisper.

“I mean before drills, in the morning before the sun rises.”

“I don’t have time for that.” Annie wanted to laugh. What Mikasa was saying was absurd. Why would she agree to do all of this again?

Mikasa slowed as they approached the building. She pulled the door open and held it for Annie to pass through. Then, she leaned in, and her voice was a silver dagger whispering through the quiet halls.

“You think no one noticed you waking up early? I don’t know where you go, but you’re not leaving the grounds, and you come back sweating. You’ve been training in private from the start.”

Annie said nothing.

“I’m not trying to threaten you, Leonhardt. I just want to feel that kick again.”

Leonhardt. Mikasa had spoken her name. It sounded like a foreign word on her tongue. Annie heard it, echoing as it faded, touching a part of her like the wind touches hanging chimes. The halls around them were empty. The recruits would be getting ready for bed now. What would she tell Reiner, when she saw him tomorrow morning? It wasn’t long before they reached the door to their quarters. Annie wished she could be anywhere else, but there was nowhere else to go.

Just before opening the door, Mikasa spoke once more.

“Day after next. Field next to the storeroom.”

Before Annie could say anything, Mikasa opened the heavy doors and strode in. Annie followed in her wake. Krista looked up, and her eyes darted between Mikasa and Annie briefly before she lowered her gaze. Ymir, sitting against the bedpost beside her, gave the two of them a much longer and more appraising stare. A small smile began to form on her lips. She opened her mouth to speak, but Sasha, unknowingly, cut her off.

“Mikasa! Where have you been?” She pushed herself out of her bunk and hurried over to the black-haired girl. Annie slipped by the two of them and headed for her own bunk without a word. She knew how it must seem to them. The two of them, coming back late, and Mikasa sporting blood and a bruise. As she pulled herself up the ladder to her top bunk, she cringed. She could feel the welt where Mikasa had kicked the inside of her thigh. It would be black and blue by morning.

“You missed dinner.” Sasha’s expression was very solemn as she spoke. It made Mikasa smile, and then wince. Smiling seemed to hurt.

“Whoa, what happened?” Sasha stared at Mikasa’s jaw and then she turned her head and glanced back at Annie, who had already tucked herself beneath her covers, facing the wall. Sasha’s face slowly changed from confusion to realization. She was about to say something, but Mikasa spoke first in a voice that sounded tired and distant.

“Sasha. Leave it.”

“But-”

“I’m fine. I just want to lie down.”

Annie could hear Mikasa’s footsteps as she walked to her bunk and reached into the trunk beside it. Annie gulped when she heard the ruffled clothing, and then the pained sigh as Mikasa pulled her tank top over her head. Annie imagined what the black-haired girl must look like, standing shirtless not more than ten feet from her. She froze. What the hell was she thinking? She slammed her eyes shut, but in the darkness of her own thoughts she saw Mikasa, rushing towards her, readying a strike.

There was no denying it. She wanted to fight her again. The realization made her stomach, the part of it that wasn’t roaring with pain, twist. She curled herself up into a ball beneath the covers and tried to disappear. It didn’t work. She was still there, helplessly aware of the sound of Mikasa’s body as she pulled herself up into her own bunk, and she was still awake long after the black-haired girl’s breathing deepened and slowed.

She heard the sound of sheets being ruffled. The floorboards gently creaked as someone stood up and tried to walk silently across the room. It was most likely Ymir, climbing into Krista’s bed. She could just barely make out the sound of hushed whispering, and then silence. Annie felt hot beneath the covers. The empty heat eventually put her into a restless sleep.

* * *

 

She dreamt about Mikasa.

The taller girl was on her back, and Annie straddled her, pushing her hands into Mikasa’s wrists to pin her to the ground. Mikasa’s eyes were somehow both wild and inviting, the same expression she’d had when they’d been fighting. Wasn’t that what they were doing now?

Mikasa grinned, arching her back while she pushed her groin upwards, brushing up against Annie’s crotch. Not a very good tactical maneuver. Or was it? Annie faltered, sent her hips down in turn to regain her advantage. Her face went hot. She bit her bottom lip. It felt good.

Whatever they were doing, it wasn’t fighting. Still, Mikasa growled like they were, and she ripped one of her wrists from Annie’s iron grip and slapped Annie’s ass. Hard. Hard enough to make Annie choke out a moan. What the hell was going on? Mikasa pulled Annie down by the collar of her uniform and once their lips met Annie stopped asking questions.

Annie shivered as Mikasa put her free hand up the back of Annie’s uniform. Her hand was warm and soft, but then she tracked her nails back down Annie’s back and it was more than Annie could bear. She moaned into the kiss, and Mikasa slipped her tongue inside.

If Mikasa continued to buck her hips like that, Annie wouldn’t be able to hold on. She could feel her need like a horrible pressure, and she wanted it to see it to the end. She wanted Mikasa Ackerman to fuck her.

Annie pulled away breathlessly, and immediately regretted it. Mikasa looked up at her, eyes lidded in passion. She bared her teeth as she smiled.

“Show me a real monster.”


	8. Look At Me

When Mikasa opened her eyes the first thing she did was turn to look over at Annie’s bunk. Annie was already gone. Probably long gone, judging from how late it was. Mikasa usually didn’t sleep so peacefully, so she was one part pleasantly surprised and one part perplexed by how well-rested she felt. She tentatively brought a few fingers to the tender bruise at her jaw and winced. If it looked anything like it felt, it must look horrendous. She wouldn’t be able to hide it, but it wouldn’t matter.

“No way out but through,” she muttered softly to herself as her gaze rested again on Annie’s empty bed. The sheet thrown hastily to hang off one side. The flat, cheap pillow turned sideways. Mikasa found herself wondering how Annie did it. The quiet sneaking, soundlessly escaping into the night.

Mikasa sat up and idly massaged her thigh. She was still sore from where Annie had kicked her during their first bout. Annie had been holding back then, but she let go in the woods. Nature can bring out the beast. Darkness does it too.

Mikasa thought back to the night before. There was the sound of roaring water at the back of her mind as she saw the blonde’s quick movements. She could still see her face, and the wild dead winter in her eyes. Where had she learned how to fight?

Mikasa knew she didn’t need the moonlit forest to bring out the beast in her; she could call upon it at will. And yet here, she was the hero. She would continue to play the hero. She had made the choice, long ago.

She pushed the blonde out of her mind and jumped down from her bunk.

The morning drills were awkward. Mikasa couldn’t quite understand why. It wasn’t that Eren and Armin had treated her any differently, because they hadn’t. Still, there was something about how they treated her that seemed off. It was something she couldn’t quite grasp. Surely they had figured her out. And even if word hadn’t travelled fast enough, they could still see the ugly bruise that was growing larger by the hour.

The instructors hadn’t said a thing. She had known from the beginning that they’d set the stage for them to fight from the start. Clever. It would have put a minor tension to rest. From the look on Annie’s face as she sparred with Ymir, however, this was not a minor tension.

Annie had avoided her the entire day. She wouldn’t even so much as look at her. Mikasa wasn't outright trying to catch her eye, but as the hours passed, she felt more and more compelled to be seen by her. _“Look at me, damn it,”_ Mikasa thought angrily as she watched Annie block a straight punch from across the field.

As she sat in the dining hall that evening, pulling pieces of bread from Sasha’s hands and then putting them back, she was deep in thought. Perhaps she had pushed Leonhardt too far. She hadn’t thought it possible. The blonde seemed tougher than that. She wondered if Annie had given up. Mikasa smiled to herself. Annie had been so close to defeating her. Closer than she probably realized. Mikasa could do a truly wonderful job of making things seem less critical than they actually were. If she had let Annie in on how close she was to falling, would things be different?

Sasha grabbed the bread from Mikasa’s hand and stuffed it into her mouth desperately. Mikasa looked over at her with a combination of mild surprise and amusement. She had to keep it together. Letting her mind wander like this was dangerous.

* * *

 

“Shit. I’m out.”

Ymir let the cards drop face down on the table and leaned back in her chair. Then, she grinned. “Did you guys see Eren during drills today?”

Krista looked up from her hand pensively, and opened her mouth to speak, but Ymir cut of her off. “Don’t tell me I’m the only one who saw it. It was priceless.”

“I’ll call.” Sasha looked pleased. She lifted her hand, about to pop a salted peanut into her mouth. Mikasa swatted her hand away. “I know you’re still hungry, but please don’t eat the chips.”

“S-..I’m sorry!” She put the peanut back onto her pile and looked down at her hand. “The instructor tripped him, right?”

Mikasa kept her lips pursed. Sasha had a good hand. Krista was bluffing. She could force Sasha out or wait to see if Krista would, but Krista was distracted now. Her eyes were on Ymir.

Ymir’s voice was thick and rough. “Yup, that’s what happened. Couldn’t stop laughing.” Mikasa could feel Ymir’s eyes on her. “And here I thought it was Ackerman who’d trained him… but that can’t be true, can it?”

Mikasa didn’t look up from her hand. “All in.”  

Ymir raised a brow and whistled. Krista went very still.

Sasha sighed and waved her hand. “Fold.” Ymir laughed quietly.

Krista looked across the table at Mikasa, her eyes were soft, almost apologetic. “I’ll call.” Mikasa’s heart dropped.

Ymir clapped her hands together. “Alright, let’s see it, then.”

Mikasa put her hand down, face up. Two pair.

Krista showed her own hand. Three of a kind.

“That’s my Krista!” Ymir yelled proudly, putting an arm around the smaller girl as she reached forward to snap up the peanuts to Krista’s side of the table, much to Sasha’s dismay. “I knew you had something good.” Krista blushed and looked away, then she said, softly, “Sorry Mikasa.”

Mikasa shook her head, but her mind was elsewhere. Ymir had played her. How had she missed it?

She looked up to the corner. Annie was already in bed with the covers pulled high over her face. She was always in bed early, and she never played cards.

Ymir looked like she was about to say something, but Mikasa stood up. “It’s late.” And she turned her head to look back at Annie, curled up in the shadows. She couldn’t see her face, she was turned towards the wall. She slept with her hair up. Mikasa wondered why.

Mikasa lay in her bunk, facing her own wall, staring in the darkness and trying to make out the imperfections. Her body was not exhausted. She’d get some training in before breakfast. And the night after that, well, it would depend on Annie, wouldn’t it? She hadn’t said one way or the other. Typical.

She heard shuffling in the darkness. Ymir, climbing into Krista’s bed. Those two. What was going on with them? She closed her eyes, and tried to force sleep to come.


	9. Keep Going

_Nothing would ever be the same._ That’s what her heart said, when the wall fell the very first time all those years ago. Her life, her future; everything. All of it snapped like a broken bone, bleached white in the sun. A clean break, but a break all the same.

After they reached Wall Rose and things had calmed down enough for her to catch her breath, Mikasa left Eren and Armin for the first time since the attack. She had to get away, if only for a moment. She needed to collect the bits and pieces of her desperate, unraveling life.

She wandered empty streets. The wind shot through her heart. Her scarf blew against her, but it provided no warmth. Not this time. She could still see the body, twisted and ruined, dangling in the air within the Titan’s grasp.

She turned a corner. The shadow from the wall spilled onto the abandoned side street. The wind died down. The air was cool and quiet. She felt like she had just walked into a dream. There was a girl, about her age, standing very still in the shadows. The girl hadn’t noticed her. She was looking upwards, staring into the cloudless sky. Her blonde hair was tied up, but there was a strand across one eye.

Birds flew overhead. The sounds of their feathers beating against the wind broke the silence. Black on their backs and the tops of their and wings and white underneath. Their flapping wings flashed black-white, black-white, black-white in the sky to the rhythm of her quickening heartbeat.

“No one knows their names.” The sound the other girl’s voice almost made Mikasa jump. It was so unexpectedly clear and strong, like a morning bell.

“What?” Mikasa’s mouth was dry, her voice a low rasp.

“The birds. Nobody knows what to call them anymore.”

She looked back up at the sky, but she was looking at more than the sky. A dog barked off in the distance and it echoed in the street. Mikasa watched her.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Mikasa said it without thinking. The blonde turned her head to look at her. Her gaze was piercing, but there was a deep timelessness about her. Mikasa could feel her heart pounding in her ears.

“Should you?”

* * *

 

Annie hadn’t slept. It had taken her all night to finally come to a decision. An entire night of restlessness and unanswered questions.

Still, it was her own decision. Mikasa hadn’t approached her, and she had somehow managed to avoid eye contact for two entire days. Mikasa wasn’t the only one Annie was avoiding, either. Reiner was pissed at her, and Bertolt was disappointed. Well, she was being disappointing, wasn’t she?

She still couldn’t explain to herself why she had decided to go. There wasn’t much in her life she could explain, but it didn’t stop the haunting feeling of not knowing. Still, she had been drawn out, like a snake from the tall grass, ready to strike.

That was it. She wanted to fight.

Surely that was it.

Mikasa was at the far corner of the field, but she hadn’t bothered waiting. She had already started her workout, and as Annie neared her she could hear her short breaths and the sound of the grass as she moved. When she got close enough for Mikasa to hear, the black-haired girl stopped moving. She spoke without turning around.

“I honestly didn’t think you would be back.”

“Neither did I.”

Mikasa turned, and Annie was surprised to see her smiling. She froze, and her resolve cracked, but before she could turn away Mikasa was already raising her fists and readying her stance.

“Let’s see what you’ve got this time, Leonhardt.”

Annie’s hands went up by instinct, and she stopped thinking about everything except how to win. _Turn everything else off and do what you know._ She was moving before she realized it, and her arm shot out towards Mikasa, aiming for the ribs. Mikasa side-stepped her thundering swing and charged her from the side. She kept close, trying to find Annie’s wrists within her own to lock her out of striking.

“You do prefer initiating, don’t you?” Mikasa said in a charged voice that touched Annie’s heart like silk. She shivered and tried to move back, but Mikasa’s fingers were tight around one of her wrists, and she could feel the heat and the pulsing blood beneath her skin. Part of her was screaming that this was a mistake, but what could she do now but finish what she’d started?

She wouldn’t be able to break out of Mikasa’s grasp, but she still had one hand free. She jumped, pulling Mikasa’s upper body down so she could swing her hand around Mikasa’s neck from behind and lock her forearm around Mikasa’s neck. Mikasa struggled, and finally she let go so that she could push her hands up to try and give her neck enough space so she could still breathe.

“Didn’t think it would be this easy.” Annie murmured bitterly. She wasn’t usually one to talk shit during a fight, but she couldn’t help herself.

“That’s… more like it!” Mikasa growled, and in an instant she tilted forward and her fist shot up and struck Annie’s elbow with such force that she felt it send a jolt of pain all the way up her shoulder. Her grip loosened, and it was just enough for Mikasa to twist out of her grasp. She jumped backwards to put some distance between them.

“Finally got you to talk,” Mikasa growled, looking one part smug and one part wild as she circled the blonde.

“Who cares?” Annie spat angrily. She was letting this get to her way too much. Why couldn’t she stay calm?

“Me, apparently.”

Mikasa took the lead this time, and she was too fast. Too fast. Annie’s eyes were sharp, but she couldn’t block the punch in time. It was a horrible side-winding punch that hit the side of her head. One of Mikasa’s knuckles brushed against the soft skin of her eyelid, just below the eyebrow, and she could feel the skin split open like a bloated corpse in the sun.

Annie cursed and threw her hands up, ready to block the next punch. She could already feel the blood. She squinted her eye and waited for the strike, but it never came. After a second she realized Mikasa was hesitating, and it was enough of a chance for her.

Annie’s uppercut connected at the perfect angle to bust Mikasa’s lip anew. It gave Annie a pleasure she had seldom felt before, but she didn’t have time to think about it. She jumped back before Mikasa could open up, and she had made the right move because Mikasa’s fist just barely missed her.

Mikasa turned her head and spit out blood. When she turned her head back, Annie could see she was serious. They had each other’s blood on their hands, and neither of them had any intention of stopping until it was over.

“You really like busting up my lip, don’t you?”

“You talk too much.”

Mikasa stepped in, but Annie anticipated it and was already sending her leg up before Mikasa had time to block. Her shin connected with Mikasa’s ribs with a satisfying sound. Annie wouldn’t hesitate. She rushed forward, closing the space between the two of them quickly, but it wasn’t enough.

Mikasa grabbed Annie’s shoulders to pull her down as she sent her knee upwards. Annie gasped in pain as Mikasa’s knee went deep into her stomach and the wind got knocked out of her. _I used this move first time we fought_ , Annie thought as her pain spiraled out of control. Mikasa had used Annie’s own move on her.

Annie clutched at Mikasa’s jacket, pulling at her as she struggled to keep herself upright. Mikasa let Annie pull her down, and her lips were very close to Annie’s ear when she whispered. Blood dripped from her mouth, down her neck and onto Annie’s hand.

“You’ve taught me something after all.”

Annie fell backwards onto the grass. Her head was spinning, and she was having trouble breathing. She could feel the knot in her stomach pulsing violently with pain.

But pain wasn’t enough.

Mikasa had fallen forward, one of her legs between Annie’s own, and she held herself over the blonde, her hands pressed hard into the dirt beside her head. Her scarf and the tips of her black hair brushed against Annie as she made to pull herself up, but Annie pulled hard on Mikasa’s jacket to keep her there.

Mikasa froze and looked into her eyes for an answer to a question she hadn’t spoken. Words were meaningless, and Annie said nothing. She raised her head off the ground and Mikasa bent lower until their lips touched. Annie could taste her blood before anything else, rusty and delicate, and she slammed her eyes shut when she felt Mikasa’s tongue press against her own. Mikasa kissed her back, hard, and then she bit Annie’s bottom lip.

Mikasa’s presence above her was overpowering. She could feel Mikasa’s breasts pressed against her own, and the quick and steady pressure as she breathed. She moved her hands up and slid them down Mikasa’s back, and it was then that Mikasa pressed her muscular thigh between Annie’s legs.

Annie moaned and turned her head away, breaking the kiss, but Mikasa didn’t stop kissing her. She kissed her jaw, and then she bit it. Then she kissed her neck, and her tongue ran along the tendon and across the pulsing vein. Annie shivered and slammed her eyes shut. The pain and the pleasure mixed and she couldn’t find the line between the two. She pressed herself helplessly against Mikasa’s thigh, and Mikasa responded with a force of her own.

Annie’s face was burning with heat. She was just waiting for the horrible teasing comment, but it never came, and when she opened her eyes and looked up at the other girl she realized Mikasa was in just the same place as she was. Before she could ask herself what the hell she was doing she pulled Mikasa back into a deep kiss.

Neither of them was particularly cautious or gentle. The uncontrollable energy from their fight was still present, and the competition hadn’t stopped in the least. Annie lifted her knee up and pressed her own thigh against Mikasa’s crotch. A moan tore itself free from Mikasa’s lips, and she lifted one shaking hand so she could wrap her fingers around Annie’s neck.

Annie shuddered and gulped hard. Mikasa could feel Annie’s throat working from beneath her fingers. She dropped her hips so she could grind against Annie at a better angle. It felt good, but she paused.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I don’t care. Keep going.”


	10. Something Seems Off

Ymir and Krista sat next to each other on Krista’s bottom bunk in silence. It was early, and most of the other trainees in the room hadn’t woken up yet.

“ _Something’s_ up between those two.” Ymir spoke softly.

Krista smiled. She liked when Ymir was serious. She made a small questioned _hmm_ sound and followed Ymir’s gaze. She was looking towards the back of the room where Annie and Mikasa’s bunks were. They were both empty.

“Honestly, it’s not much of a surprise.” Ymir murmured as her head tilted to one side. Krista couldn’t help but turn to look up at Ymir’s face.

“You think they’re still fighting?”

Ymir shook her head slightly. “No, it’s more than that. Watch Mikasa during meals and you’ll see what I mean.”

“Do you really want me to take my eyes off of you?” Krista teased as she nudged Ymir in the ribs with her arm.

Ymir looked over at her, and her dark eyes narrowed with delight.

“Heh, well when you put it like that.”

Krista shifted her weight and pressed her shoulder against Ymir’s arm. They had to be careful. They had to keep this thing they had a secret. It would certainly cause them trouble if they let it escape. Krista couldn’t tell a soul about what she dreamt of, or how the sound of Ymir’s voice made her hold her breath, or how the warmth of her skin beneath the covers felt at night.

“Ymir…”

“Yeah?”

“This will all change once we graduate, won’t it?”

“Have you decided which branch you’re going to join?”

“I’m open to suggestion, but answer my question first.”

Ymir smiled and leaned against her. “Don’t worry. Everything changes, and change is good. How’s that for reassurance?”

“Even though I know you’re full of shit I somehow still believe you.”

Ymir smirked and shrugged slightly. “Hey, you don’t have to believe me. You’ve still got plenty of time to decide what to do.”

“That depends on where I rank.”

Ymir shifted her weight and looked somewhat uncomfortable. “Well, I’m sure you’ll rank top ten. You could do whatever you want.”

Krista looked away, her expression hardening as she chewed at her bottom lip for a moment before she spoke again.

“Yeah.”

* * *

 

Mikasa hit the ground beside Annie with a sigh. They were both sweating and breathing heavily. A fight was a poor prelude to what they had done. Annie wasn’t sure how she’d get through the rest of the oncoming day when all she wanted to do was close her eyes and sleep.

She looked up at the sky, and out of the corner of her eye she could see Mikasa doing the same. The silence was awkward. She gulped. Mikasa spoke to her without looking at her.

“That was…”

“…yeah.”

“I wasn’t expecting that.”

“…yeah.”

“We shouldn’t go back together.”

“…yeah.” Annie pushed herself up. Standing was hard. Her legs were wobbly and weak, and the place above her eye where the blood had hardened was making it hurt to blink.

The sun was just starting to make the color of the sky change in one corner of the sky, and in that rising light a flock of birds flew overhead. Annie tracked them across the sky. She realized she was stalling.

Mikasa made a pained sigh as she stretched out on the grass. Annie looked down at her, and found it hard to tear her gaze away. She managed her best nonchalant shrug and walked off across the field alone.

* * *

 

She almost walked straight to the dining hall before realizing she was covered in blood. She cursed under her breath and made her way back to washroom.

The washroom was on the far side of the grounds, not directly connected to any of the other buildings. It was a long, windowless room with two doors on either end. She opened the door and peered in. Still early enough for it to be empty. She hurried over to one of the door-less rooms that housed a small water basin and turned on the faucet. As it started to fill with water she undressed.

Undressing was a slow and painful process. Mikasa had been rough – during the fight and during… the other thing. She could already feel the bruises. She looked into the water at her reflection and noticed the blood at her lips. Mikasa’s blood, from when she had kissed her. The thought sent her stomach into spiraling knots. She threw her hands into the basin and splashed the water on her face. The cut at her eye stung in protest.

She filled a bucket of water and was just about to pour it over her head when she heard the door at the other end of the room creak open. She froze. Certainly Mikasa would need to use the washroom, too. Why hadn’t she thought of that before? She wanted to avoid another encounter for the sake of her sanity, but would she have time to leave?

She hastily dressed herself and stepped out into the hall. Standing there, with her arms across her chest, was Ymir. When she saw Annie her lip curved up at one corner.

“Another early morning?”

Annie struggled for words but came up short. She shook her head and started to turn towards the opposite door, but Ymir called out to her. What she said stopped Annie in her tracks.

“You’re not hiding it very well.”

“…what did you just say?” Annie stared at her, her eyes slowly narrowing. She could feel the muscles in her arms and thighs tensing up with anger… and fear.

“I know what you’re up to, when you go out at night.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, sure. All I’m saying is don’t be so obvious. The way you look at her gives everything away.”

“Are you joking?” Annie shot back, her voice shaking, “You’re the one who’s obvious.”

Ymir laughed and shook her head.

“See, that’s where you’re wrong.”

“Am I?”

Annie took a step forward and, in that instant, the door behind her opened. She saw Ymir’s face light up with delight. Annie turned. It was Mikasa. She stood in the doorway for a moment as the light poured in from behind her. Her expression was unreadable. Annie felt her heart jump up to her throat, but before she could say anything Mikasa had already turned and went back outside. As the door closed behind her the room went dark again.

Ymir laughed. The sound of it made Annie grit her teeth.

“Wow. That was too perfect.”

Annie sighed and shook her head. “I don’t have time for this.” And then she left as quickly as she could, trying to block out Ymir’s laughter as she went.

* * *

 

When she entered the dining hall she saw Bertolt sitting alone in his usual spot. She grabbed an apple and joined him.

They ate in silence. Annie welcomed it. She didn’t want to talk any more than she had to. She could still feel the warmth between her legs where Mikasa’s thigh had been.

Her peaceful breakfast was interrupted by Reiner. He sat across from her, and that alone clued her in to his intentions. She looked up at him.

He eyed the cut at her eye for a moment before he spoke.

“You’ve been out again.”

She paused. So they hadn’t figured it out.

“I have.” She said it coolly, with enough disregard in her voice to set Reiner on edge. Maybe if she could manipulate him into being angry he wouldn’t realize what was really going on.

Reiner narrowed his eyes, and then his voice dropped into a harsh whisper.

“I know you need to sneak out at night for the mission, but you need to be more careful.”

Annie took a deep crunching bite out of her apple and chewed slowly. For a moment, Reiner looked like he might storm off, but he managed to keep his cool and leaned back.

“Who gave you that, anyway?” He motioned towards the cut at her eye.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“We’re worried about you, Annie. Something seems off.” Bertolt sounded concerned, but his concern just pissed her off.

“Part of our deal was that you wouldn’t ask questions.”

Reiner grinned his angry, disappointed grin and leaned closer. His voice was low and deep in her ear.

“Don’t make it so we have to ask questions, then.”

Bertolt and Reiner exchanged glances and then they both stood up and left. Reiner had a straight-forward determined expression, and Bertolt had his chin down and his eyes cast towards the floor.

Annie couldn’t help but smile to herself. It was hard for her to be truly angry with them. They had a mission, just like her, and they were doing everything in their power to see that mission to the end. Just like her. She couldn’t fault them for that.

If anything, she felt annoyed and embarrassed by her own weakness. All she had managed to do was keep secrets.

She glanced across the dining room to Mikasa’s table. She was conversing with Armin and Eren in her typical way. Nothing about her seemed different.

 _Damn you,_ Annie thought angrily, and as she cursed her she thought about punching her, and that lead thoughts about kissing her, and before it could go any further she pushed herself up from the table abruptly and hurried outside.


	11. Are We Done?

_Don’t let it burn you up like this._

Mikasa slowly trailed her tongue down Annie’s jawline. Her sharp nails brushed against her tender sides, along the bruise at her ribs where Mikasa had sucker punched her the night before. She choked on her own moans, pushing down whatever feelings tried to rise up to the surface.

“You’re so soft.” Mikasa’s voice was a low whisper, barely audible against the running water. They had the faucet on. The bucket was overflowing.

“Don’t linger.” Annie commanded, despite feeling anything but in command. She had originally found solace in the quiet darkness of the washroom, lit only by the flame of a candle and the light of the moon from a shaft in the roof. She had come alone, but Mikasa had followed. Annie had already undressed, and her hair was wet against her face. Mikasa hadn’t lingered then, when she came to her and put her hands on her shoulders.

The teeth at her neck were rough and careless. Mikasa growled into her skin and ran her hands roughly down Annie’s naked arms. The blonde shivered and pressed herself against Mikasa for warmth. She sometimes forgot how much taller and thicker Mikasa’s body was compared to her own, but being naked while Mikasa was clothed brought it to a whole new level. Part of her was starting to feel like she belonged to Mikasa, but she could barely understand what that even meant.

Mikasa’s hair brushed against her chest, and she found Annie’s nipple with her tongue. Annie sucked in a breath and tried to stay still – an impossible task while Mikasa rolled her hardened nipple around with her tongue before taking it between her lips, and then her teeth. Annie raised her arms and pulled at Mikasa’s jacket desperately, but not to push her away. She wanted to pull her closer.

Annie wondered if their first time had been Mikasa’s first time… with anyone. If it had been, it didn’t show now. She had learned how to fuck as quickly and easily as she’d learned how to pilot her 3DMG. As efficiently as she had picked up on Annie’s fighting style and made it her own. Nothing had really changed, had it? Mikasa was treating this like another mission to complete; another battle to be won.

If that was the case then Annie was losing hard.

Mikasa slid down to her knees and Annie froze. Mikasa’s eyes narrowed with delight. She leaned forward and kissed the inside of Annie’s thigh. A soft, lingering kiss that caused Annie to bite down on her bottom lip.

She kissed her again, and again after that. Each time her lips moved closer, but before she got close enough she moved her head away. She bit Annie’s thigh gently, and Annie let out a frustrated moan.

“Are you going to do it… or not?”

“Do what?”

“You _know_ what, God.”

“Oh, that? Well, you could beg.”

“…what?”

“Beg for it, and I’ll do it.”

 _She just wants to hear me plead._ Annie thought, her mind spinning angrily. She could feel her heartbeat between her legs, warm and wet; desperate. Mikasa was looking up at her. Her dark eyes were expectant and playful and seductive all at once. Annie tore her gaze away, but it wasn’t enough. Mikasa planted a few well-timed kisses on her thighs, just shy of where she really wanted them, and then Annie lost it.

“Fine. Please.”

“Please?”

“Please… fuck me.” She could feel her face going red even as she said it, and her sullen eyes narrowed.

Mikasa made a small satisfied sound and leaned closer. She aimed her kisses where Annie would really feel them, and then she pressed her tongue between Annie’s outer lips and rolled it up and around her clit. It was too much. Annie’s legs buckled, and she jerked her hips slightly. Mikasa closed her eyes, looking pleased with herself as she ran her tongue around in slow, maddening circles.

Annie couldn’t speak. There were no words. She was so sensitive, and Mikasa knew it. She was taking her time, slow and hard, working Annie into a feverish delirium. Annie’s legs felt like liquid, and for a moment she thought she might fall, but it was Mikasa’s strong arm that held her upright against the wall.

She shuddered and gulped. Her lips felt dry. Mikasa’s tongue was clever, and she wouldn’t hold on much longer, but she’d be damned if she didn’t try. She squinted one eye shut and put a hand on Mikasa’s shoulder. Mikasa opened her eyes and looked up. Her eyes said it all.

_You’re mine._

It was too much for Annie to bear.

She let go. The muscles in her stomach tensed; her hips bucked. She dug her nails into Mikasa’s shoulder as she let a roaring moan escape her lips. Mikasa kept at it until Annie had finished, and then she pulled away. Her lips were wet and in the candlelight they glistened. When she smiled she bared her teeth.

Annie slid down against the wall. Her legs were useless, and she was out of breath. Her face was red and her eyes were lidded with equal parts passion and shame. Ackerman had made her beg for it, and she had given in.

Before she could do much else, she realized Mikasa had a hand down her own pants. Annie hadn’t noticed before, but now it was obvious. Mikasa was getting herself off, and moving quickly at that. Her eyes were narrowed, and the hand she had shoved down her pants was moving rapidly. Annie’s heart fluttered when she heard the black-haired girl’s short, guttural moans.

She felt her cheeks get hot when Mikasa came. The black-haired girl slammed her eyes shut and bucked against her own hand.

Annie stared at her, but then she looked away. Mikasa noticed, and after a moment she stood up. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve.

Annie pushed herself up to her feet. Still unsteady, but manageable. She got dressed, trying to ignore the awkward silence between them, but she couldn’t.

“So you’re just going to do you, then?”

Mikasa shrugged and looked nonchalant.

“I don’t need you to pretend you’re interested.”

“What are you talking about? I—“

But Mikasa raised her hand up and stopped Annie short.

“You don’t need to lie to me, Leonhardt.”

Annie stared at her, and then the ice filled her veins, her mind, and all the emptiness in between.

“Are we done?”

Mikasa smiled a cruel, dark smile.

“Apparently.”

And then she left.

* * *

 

It was strange, to follow her ten minutes later and crawl into the bunk not more than ten feet away. It was even stranger that she continued the game. They perfected it so that no one would ever find. The days passed and became weeks. The weeks passed and became months. Graduation approached.

_We can’t do this forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes the first "part" of this story. I didn't realize I was going to bring it around until this chapter, but here we are. I honestly have no idea where I'm going with this, still, after 11 chapters. Hopefully I'm not just spinning my wheels with the plot. Chapters may come slower for a while until I figure out where I'm headed. Most of the major breaks from canon will start happening in the next section.
> 
> I'm also contemplating changing the title, seeing as 'Before the Fall' is the title of the official prequel. I had no idea until a few weeks ago.


End file.
